How to be disciplined

Success is linked to reaching goals, which in itself requires consistent actions over a long period of time. The challenge with these actions is that you won’t always feel motivated to do them. Motivation can be fleeting. Let’s see how we can ensure to stay on track even when we lack the motivation?

What is Discipline?

Discipline is the ability to do something even when you don’t feel like doing it.

It bridges the gap between needing to take action and actually taking action.

Motivation typically serves as the initial spark to get you started. However, when motivation wanes, discipline is what keeps you moving forward.

What really keeps you off track

I know a lot of people who struggle with discipline and already know most of what I will explain next. The problem is that they don’t take actions on any the suggestions to see if they can help improve their discipline.

This first section is for people who know how to be disciplined but still aren’t. In this case, the problem can be that:

You don’t want the goal hard enough.
- If it really matters to you, you will at least try to see if these tips can help.
- Whenever you feel like you’re struggling with discipline, ask yourself “How will my situation be if I continue down this path for 6 months or one year?” Is it something acceptable to you? If it is then you probably don’t want it hard enough and you should revisit “your why”.
You play the victim

I don’t have enough time. I suffer from X. My boss yelled at me today. I slept only six hours last night … When you start blaming outside factors for not being consistent, start first by examining if those excuses are true as if you are your own prosecutor.
- You don’t have enough time => audit how you spend your time and see what can be deprioritized. Just start by looking at your screen time and use at least 50% of that time to do the work you need to do.
- You suffer from X => Do you know people who also suffer from X but were able to achieve the goal? There’s a high chance the answer is yes. Then what’s your excuse?
- I slept 6 hours last night => Then you should go to sleep and do nothing else. No TV and no phone. If you don’t, then your excuse is not legit.
- Your boss yelled at you => What does that have to do with the action you’re delaying?
You have so much on your plate and you want to be perfect and consistent at everything.
- You cannot achieve everything at the same time. You cannot be an exemplary employee, work on your side hustle, be a perfect wife/husband, have a good social life, go to the gym, take care of your appearance …
- If you try to hold everything with your two hands, everything will fall. You have to make tradeoffs and you should be okay with it.
- I suggest having seasons of life. Have a season where you will focus on your gym performance. This means that you won’t get much progress on the side project or that you won’t see your friends as much as you want to. Once you end that season, you can rearrange your priorities and make other trade-offs.

You’re afraid you’ll fail
And this is another big problem. Failure = learning and learning is part of the improvement game. You must try once, twice, three times, fail, learn, and apply what you have learned until you get there. This is how the process works and the initiation of this process begins with trying. If you don’t try nothing will happen.
You give up the moment you derail once.
No one is disciplined 100% of the time. It’s okay to drop the ball from time to time. What matters is that you pick it up as soon as you can.
You care so much about what others think.
I know a lot of people who are afraid of getting better because their friends or family will think “he’s better than us now” especially once you sacrifice friends’ time for your goal time. If your friends do not support you and root for you to get better, they are not your friends.

You don’t respect yourself
You set goals (the right way) and never achieve them. You say you will do something and never do it. Imagine yourself as another person you’re making these promises to but never respect them. How would they feel? Disrespected, ignored, they don’t matter? Then, why would you make yourself feel that way? Once you start having self-respect, you will do your best to keep your own promises.
You are too soft and too impatient
A lot of people want to achieve their goals faster and easier. The problem is that if you have big goals, the process of attaining them will suck most times. And you have to embrace the suck. People who do this do not have a special superpower, they just learn to endure the pain. Once you feel it is getting hard just remind yourself that this is what hard is supposed to feel like and enjoy it.

Remember if you don’t take action, nothing will change. I hope by the end of this article, you will at least try to implement one of these suggestions.

Now that we got this out of the way, let’s discuss together what can you do to be more disciplined.

Discipline is doing things we don’t feel like doing. So, How can we do things we don’t want to do?

Increase self-control: Ignore your feelings and do it anyway.
Increase motivation: Make yourself feel like doing it.

How to Increase Self-Control

Practice Delaying Gratification

When you don’t want to do something, it’s usually because you would rather do something more immediately gratifying. However, big goals often take time to achieve, and the rewards are far in the future. This makes it harder to stick to the necessary actions, as we tend to seek quick gratification. Fortunately, self-control can be trained, though the process can be challenging.

Craving a cake? Wait 10 minutes.
Feeling angry? Pause, breathe, and see if you still want to yell.
Want to stop working and check your phone? Wait just 5 more minutes.

Many spiritual practices are made to build self-control muscle (Fasting, meditation, … ). The goal is to delay the instinctive need to feed our desires quickly.

Don’t Listen to Your Feelings

Many people believe that successful individuals don’t experience negative emotions. However, they also feel lazy, anxious, or overwhelmed at times. The key difference is that successful people act despite these feelings. Your feelings should not always dictate your behaviour.

The problem is that we are making these feelings not normal when they are natural and part of the game. You just have to let them exist and act against them.

Here’s how to push through:

Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize that it’s normal to feel resistance, doubt, or laziness. Accepting these feelings without judgment makes it easier to move past them.
Reframe Your Mindset: Shift your perspective from “I have to do this” to “I choose to do this because it’s important to me.” This empowers you to take control of your actions.

While there are extreme cases where taking a break is necessary, 99% of the time, you don’t need to. Be honest with yourself and follow your plan regardless of how you feel.

Build Habits

Habits are powerful because they help you take consistent actions without relying on motivation. The actions become so engrained in your brain that it doesn’t allow space for the resistance to show up. I have a detailed article on how to build habits that you can check out here.

How to Increase Motivation

There are two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic

Intrinsic motivation

Intrinsic motivation comes from within. It’s the drive to engage in behaviour because it’s personally rewarding, aligns with our values, or brings us joy and satisfaction.

Here’s how you can increase it:

Know your why

Before embarking on any goal, it’s crucial to understand your underlying motivation. Ask yourself: Why is this goal important to you? What sparked your interest in pursuing it? Your deepest motivations are often rooted in your core values. Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you – is it personal growth, making a difference in others’ lives, expressing creativity, or achieving financial stability? Identifying these values is essential as they serve as your internal compass, guiding your decisions and actions.

Have a direction and set achievable goals

Now that you know why you want to do it let’s figure out the how.
Here are some principles you should follow when goal setting:

Your goal needs to be clear, measurable and time-bound while still being realistic (SMART goals). The standard is that they should be something you can measure and cross off your to do list.
The goals can be either action or outcome goals.
Action goals are about the completion of tasks that lead to an outcome and the outcome goals are about reaching the desired outcome.
Example
- The big goal: go to the gym and be active
- The way you define the big goal can be either by setting:
- Action goals: show up to the gym 5 days a week – resistance train 3 times a week – Run once a week.
- Outcome goals: lose x kg in y weeks – run 5km under 30min in x weeks ….

Action goals are usually better because they are 100% under your control. But I find a combination of both works best because it pushes you to think of other ways to achieve the outcome.

If your goals feel overwhelming, you’re likely overcomplicating them. The primary purpose of goal-setting is to provide clarity and direction. If you feel stressed by your goals, take a step back and simplify them.

The Be-Do-Have Framework:

Be: This represents who you need to become or the mindset you need to adopt.
Do: This refers to the actions you need to take.
Have: This is the end result or what you want to achieve.

Traditional thinking often follows a Have-Do-Be model: “Once I have X, I’ll do Y, and then I’ll be Z.” The Be-Do-Have framework flips this around, suggesting that to achieve our goals, we should start by identifying as a person who already has those achievements.

How it works:

Be:
- Identify the qualities, beliefs, and mindset of someone who has already achieved your goal.
- Adopt these characteristics in your daily life.
Do:
- Determine the actions that a person with those qualities would take.
- Consistently perform these actions.
Have:
- As a result of being and doing, you naturally achieve the desired outcome.

How this helps create discipline:

Mindset Shift: by focusing on “being” first, you create a powerful mindset shift. You’re not waiting for external circumstances to change; you’re taking control by changing yourself first. This proactive approach naturally enhances discipline.
Identity-Based Habits: When you adopt the identity of someone who has achieved your goals, you’re more likely to consistently perform the actions associated with that identity. This consistency is the cornerstone of discipline.
Aligned Actions: The “Do” part becomes clearer and more compelling when it’s aligned with who you’re striving to be. This alignment makes it easier to maintain discipline in your actions.

This framework is very helpful because it will serve you as decision-making framework.

If you want to become fitter, all the decisions you want to make need to align with what a fit person would do in this situation. If you don’t feel like going to the gym, what would a fit person do? Rest? Are you actually tired or are you just procrastinating?

Extrinsic motivation

Successful and unsuccessful people all have goals. The difference between them is that successful people achieve them. It sounds obvious but most people stop at the goal-setting part.

The next steps should be defining the actions that will help you achieve these goals by following these principles

Make the process enjoyable

Strike a balance between difficulty and achievability. Tasks or actions that are too easy lead to boredom, while overly difficult ones cause discouragement. Aim for that sweet spot where you’re challenged but capable.

Look for ways to make the task fun. Maybe make your favourite playlist, have your favourite drink, work from your favourite café ….

Set a clever reward system

While delaying gratification is important, quick rewards can also boost your motivation. Here’s how to effectively use rewards to your advantage:

Divide your larger goals into smaller, more manageable milestones. Reward yourself each time you achieve one of these mini-goals.

If your goal is to lose 10 kg by the end of the year, treat yourself monthly for every 1 kg lost. Choose rewards that bring you joy and satisfaction. It could be something simple, like receiving praise from your spouse or friends every time you return from the gym.

The best rewards are those related to your goals. For instance, buy new gym clothes after a month of consistent workouts or get a new laptop once you reach the halfway mark on a big project.

You can even increase the effectiveness of the reward system by introducing an element of surprise by letting the reward be unpredictable. You can, for instance, write down different types of rewards on pieces of paper and put them in a jar. When you achieve a mini-goal, pick one at random. The anticipation of discovering your reward adds an extra layer of excitement. Or you can let other people surprise you. Make a deal with family members or friends to set up a reward for you each time you hit the mini goal.

Find a way to engineer accountability and deadlines

A single mom of three children doesn’t question whether she feels like going to her 5 am or 8 pm shift. She knows she has to do it to feed her kids.

Similarly, an obese person diagnosed with heart disease doesn’t ponder their motivation to work out; they do it because their life depends on it.

When you have a deadline to submit a paper or proposal at 8 pm, you don’t dwell on your motivation at 7 pm—you just do it.

The mother is accountable to her children. The obese person is accountable for staying alive for their loved ones. And you are accountable to your boss or teacher to submit your work on time.

While these extreme cases don’t apply to our everyday lives, they demonstrate that action doesn’t always require motivation. By engineering an accountability system for yourself, you can create a similar sense of obligation and drive.

Examples:

Workout Buddy: If you want to work out regularly, find a friend to exercise with and set a schedule. Even if you don’t feel like working out, you won’t want to let your friend down.
Public Goals: Announce your goals to friends and family. They’ll help hold you accountable, giving you extra motivation to stick to your plan.
Personal Deadlines: Set deadlines for yourself. For example, “By the end of the week, I will complete my workout plan,” or “By the end of the quarter, I will save X amount of money.”

Engineer your environment to help you achieve your goals

The easiest way to achieve your goals is to create a supportive environment or change your current one if it doesn’t align with your objectives

Surround Yourself with Supportive People If you want to be healthier, work out more, and feel more energized, but your friends smoke, drink, and stay up late, it will be challenging to stick to your goals. Seek out new friends who enjoy going to the gym and eating well. Their positive habits will make it easier for you to adopt similar behaviours.

Optimize Your Space for Productivity If you need to put in extra hours of work and focus, but you’re sitting next to your family who is watching a movie, you’ll find it hard to concentrate. Find a quiet, dedicated workspace where you can work without distractions.

When planning your goals and the actions required to achieve them, consider how to make your environment more conducive to success. A supportive environment can significantly boost your motivation and help you stay on track.

The easiest way to help you achieve your goals is to create a helpful environment or change the one you are already in if it doesn’t contribute to your goal.

Application: example of someone who wants to be fit

Goal: Becoming Fit

Understanding Discipline: Discipline for fitness means working out and eating healthy even when you don’t feel like it. It’s what keeps you going to the gym on a rainy day or choosing a salad over fast food when you’re tired.
Increasing Self-Control:

a) Practice Delaying Gratification:

When craving unhealthy food, wait 10 minutes before deciding.
When tempted to skip a workout, wait 15 minutes and see if you still want to skip.

b) Don’t Listen to Your Feelings:

Acknowledge that feeling lazy or unmotivated is normal.
Reframe “I have to work out” to “I choose to work out because being fit is important to me.”

c) Build Habits:

Create a routine of working out at the same time every day.
Prep healthy meals on Sundays for the week ahead.

The Be-Do-Have Framework:

Be	Do	Have
To become a fit person, I need to: Be health-conscious Be dedicated Be energetic Be confident in my physical abilities	What does a fit person do? – Plan and prepare healthy meals regularly – Exercise consistently (e.g., 4-5 times a week) – Get adequate sleep (7-9 hours per night) – Stay hydrated throughout the day – Choose active options in daily life (e.g., taking stairs, walking short distances) – Learn about proper exercise techniques and nutrition	What outcomes does a fit person have? – Improved physical fitness and endurance – Healthy body composition (appropriate body fat percentage) – Better overall health markers (e.g., blood pressure, cholesterol levels) – Enhanced energy levels and mood

2. Increase motivation

a) Know Your Why:
Reflect on why fitness is important to you. Is it for longevity, setting a good example for your kids, or feeling confident in your body?

b) Set SMART Goals:

Action Goal: “I will work out for 30 minutes, 5 days a week.”
Outcome Goal: “I will run a 5K in under 30 minutes within 3 months.”

c) Make the Process Enjoyable:

Create an energizing workout playlist.
Try different types of workouts to find what you enjoy (e.g., dance classes, rock climbing, cycling).

d) Set a Reward System:

For every week of consistent workouts, treat yourself to a relaxing bath or massage.
After a month of sticking to your fitness plan, buy new workout gear.

e) Engineer Accountability:

Find a workout buddy or join a fitness class with regular attendance.
Share your fitness goals on social media and post regular updates.
Use a fitness app that tracks your progress and sends reminders.

d) Create a Supportive Environment:

Keep healthy snacks readily available at home and work.
Set out your workout clothes the night before.
Join a gym or set up a home workout space.
Spend time with friends who also prioritize fitness.