One of the insights I have learned this year and greatly impacted my life is learning about the thoughts/feelings/behaviours triangle. Understanding how each of them works, how they interact with each other and how you can use their mutual influence tactically has helped me gain clarity on what I should do and behave, leading me to reach my goals faster.
Understanding this triangle or loop is at the core of psychological theories on self-regulation and behaviour change. By examining this connection more deeply, we can unlock the tools to pursue meaningful change and align our actions with our goals.
This article explores each component in the thought-feeling-behavior chain, how each influences the other, and how we can leverage these insights to foster growth and reach our goals. We’ll look at practical examples, backed by scientific research, to illustrate how even small shifts in our thinking can dramatically affect how we feel and behave.
Get to know the Three Musketeers
Let’s define in detail what feelings, thoughts, and behaviours are.
Thoughts
Thoughts are the interpretations, beliefs, and perceptions we have about ourselves, others, and the world around us. They are mental processes shaped by experiences, memories, and beliefs, which frame our understanding of situations.
Imagine your brain as the sky and thoughts are like clouds floating around. Sometimes they are dense and dark and sometimes light and fluffy. Learning to dissociate from your thoughts is the first step to use this triangle model.
If you’re preparing for a presentation, you might think, “I’m well-prepared for this,” or, alternatively, “I’m going to make a mistake.”
Feelings
Feelings are emotional responses that arise as a result of our thoughts and perceptions. They are typically categorized as positive (e.g., happiness, excitement) or negative (e.g., sadness, anger) and serve as signals that help us interpret our thoughts.
The thought, “I’m well-prepared for this presentation,” may lead to a feeling of confidence. In contrast, “I’m going to make a mistake” might result in anxiety or fear.
Behaviour
Behaviors are the actions we take in response to our thoughts and feelings. These actions may be intentional or automatic, and they create patterns that reinforce or challenge the way we think and feel.
- Example: Feeling confident about the presentation may lead to proactive behavior, like practicing further or going into the presentation with enthusiasm. If you feel anxious, however, you might avoid preparation or rush through the presentation to finish it as quickly as possible.
Now let’s explore how these three interact
How do they interact
The interaction between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors is often described as a feedback loop or triangle, where each component influences the others in a cyclical and interdependent manner. Here’s how each one impacts the others:
How Thoughts Influence Feelings
Our thoughts act as filters through which we interpret events, and these interpretations trigger corresponding emotional responses. Cognitive theories, particularly Cognitive Appraisal Theory (Lazarus, 1991), suggest that the meaning we assign to situations directly influences our emotions.
If you think, “I’m going to fail this exam,” this thought can create feelings of anxiety or dread. However, if you think, “This exam is a good challenge,” you might feel motivated or excited. Thus, by changing our thoughts, we can influence our feelings.
How Feelings Influence Behaviors
Feelings are strong motivators of behaviour. Positive feelings often drive us toward engaging in activities, while negative feelings may lead us to avoid them. Emotions signal whether we perceive something as beneficial or threatening, guiding us toward actions that we believe will manage or resolve our feelings.
When feeling confident, you’re more likely to participate actively in social situations, which may lead to meaningful connections or successful outcomes. In contrast, if you feel fearful, you might avoid the situation entirely, which prevents you from potentially beneficial experiences and reinforces the avoidance behavior.
How Behaviors Reinforce Thoughts and Feelings
The actions we take in response to our thoughts and feelings can reinforce our initial beliefs. This creates a feedback loop that either supports or challenges those thoughts and feelings. Therefore, behavioural responses play a crucial role in maintaining or altering our mental and emotional patterns.
If you feel nervous about public speaking and avoid giving presentations, this avoidance strengthens the thought, “I’m not good at speaking,” which increases feelings of anxiety. Conversely, if you push through and perform well, your positive experience may weaken anxious thoughts, leading to reduced fear in future scenarios.
Reel life example of the thought, feeling, behaviour cycle
- Thought: Sarah thinks, “I’m not smart enough to get this promotion.” This thought might be rooted in past experiences or a lack of confidence.
- Feeling: This thought triggers feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. As she dwells on it, her anxiety builds.
- Behavior: In response to these feelings, Sarah may avoid applying for the promotion altogether or put in minimal effort, reinforcing her belief that she’s not capable.
In this case, Sarah’s thoughts influenced her feelings, which then led to behavior that reinforced the original thought. Over time, this cycle can limit her career progression and confidence.
Breaking the cycle for positive change: Practical strategies
Understanding how to harness the thought-feeling-behavior relationship can open doors to personal growth, self-confidence, and goal achievement. Here are actionable ways to transform this relationship and use it as a powerful tool for self-improvement:
Set Small, Achievable Goals and Celebrate Each Victory
Setting small, realistic goals can create a positive feedback loop. When you set and achieve small goals, you reinforce the belief that you’re capable of accomplishing what you set out to do. When you say you will do, you do. This, in turn, builds confidence and momentum to pursue bigger goals.
- How It Works: Starting with small, achievable goals creates “success experiences” that help shift your thought patterns from “I can’t” to “I can.” These small wins boost your feelings of accomplishment and reduce self-doubt.
- Example: If your goal is to exercise regularly, start by committing to a simple, attainable activity like a five-minute walk each day. Each day you complete it, you reinforce the thought, “I follow through on my goals,” which strengthens your belief in your ability to achieve larger goals.
- Rewarding Success: Don’t underestimate the power of small rewards. Celebrating each small success—whether by acknowledging your progress or treating yourself to something enjoyable—reinforces positive behaviours and builds motivation to keep going.
Act Despite How You Feel to Shift Thought Patterns and Emotions
Sometimes, the best way to change a thought-feeling cycle is by taking action, even when your emotions aren’t fully on board. Engaging in positive behaviors despite feeling hesitant or fearful can lead to a change in both thoughts and feelings over time.
- How It Works: When you take action despite negative feelings, you disrupt the cycle of avoidance or self-doubt, challenging the thought that holds you back. This approach can help you see yourself as resilient and capable, even in the face of discomfort.
- Example: If you feel anxious about public speaking but accept a small speaking opportunity anyway, you begin to gather experiences that counter your initial fears. This changes your thought pattern from “I’m not good at speaking” to “I can handle speaking situations.”
- Positive Behavior Begets Positive Feelings: As you act despite your emotions, you’ll start to feel pride in your courage and ability, which creates a positive emotional response. Over time, you gather evidence supporting the positive thought and refuting the negative one which will strengthen your self-image, making it easier to act confidently in similar situations.
Reframe Failure as Growth to Cultivate Resilience and Persistence
When working toward a goal, it’s normal to encounter setbacks. How you think about these setbacks can determine whether you feel motivated to keep trying or discouraged enough to quit. By reframing failure as a learning opportunity, you foster a growth mindset and resilience.
- How It Works: When you replace thoughts like “I failed, so I’m not capable” with “This is an opportunity to improve,” or “This is normal and part of the process” you reduce the emotional weight of failure. This shift in thought and feeling increases your willingness to try again, reinforcing persistence as a behavior.
- Example: If you’re learning a new skill and make a mistake, try reframing it: “Mistakes help me learn and grow.” This thought can generate feelings of curiosity and determination rather than frustration or defeat, prompting you to try again with renewed focus.
- Building Self-Belief Through Growth: Reframing failure helps you see yourself as adaptable and persistent, which strengthens your self-belief. Each time you respond positively to setbacks, you reinforce the thought that you can overcome challenges, a mindset crucial for achieving long-term goals.
Use Visualization to Influence Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors
Visualization is a technique used by athletes, performers, and successful professionals to mentally rehearse positive outcomes. Visualizing yourself achieving a goal can help prime your thoughts, emotions, and actions toward success.
- How It Works: By visualizing yourself achieving a goal, you create a mental “blueprint” for success. This primes your mind to think positively about your capabilities, generates feelings of motivation, and encourages behaviors that align with achieving your goal.
- Example: If you’re aiming for a career advancement, spend a few minutes each day visualizing yourself performing well in your role, receiving positive feedback, or handling challenges effectively. This exercise reinforces positive beliefs, such as “I am skilled and capable,” which can help you feel more prepared and confident.
- Impact on Behavior: Visualization can also reduce self-doubt, making you more likely to take productive actions, like preparing thoroughly or seeking feedback. Over time, these behaviors reinforce the belief that you’re ready and qualified for new challenges.
